The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the “too dumb to fall” provisions of the Barney Frank Act.
The problem with home aquariums is that they're too small and confining. The fish can't swim the natural distances they need to get sufficient exercise. I was thinking about this the other day when I realized that someone should invent a treadmill for fish.
Times Square - Dick Clark has no intention of resting in peace. The television pioneer has brushed off the massive heart attack which led to his death earlier this week, and is busy planning his traditional New Year's Eve broadcast from New York's Times Square."Funniest thing. I …
Here are six unidentified quotes uttered by either New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg or German dictator Adolf Hitler. Test your knowledge of the world’s fastest growing political scheme by correctly identifying who said what.
Houston, Texas -- As gasoline prices ratchet up past the $4-a-gallon mark, the oil industry is preparing a more luxurious way to present its increasingly costly product to consumers. “Think expensive fragrances, top-shelf liquor and premium cosmetic formulas,&rdquo …
Washington, DC -- Say goodbye to the almighty dollar.
Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has declared his campaign to be “The Second Coming,” after learning that his birth certificate identifies him as the Son of God. “I thought I might be related to Superman,” Santorum said.
Augusta, Georgia -- An electric utility here is building the first new nuclear generating plants to be constructed in the US since 1978.
Washington -- Still stinging from the lowly 10% approval rating it received from the American public, Congress has taken revenge, bestowing a measly four percent approval rating on taxpaying citizens. “Taxpayers are doing a terrible job of providing the House and t …
Indianapolis -- Congress is gambling that a determined group of Patriots can again save the United States from collapse. The lawmakers are betting $15 trillion that the New England Patriots will defeat the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLVI.
Football fans watching Super Bowl XLVI can remain seated during the pregame ceremonies this year, because the singing of The Star-Spangled Banner will be preempted by a television commercial for Dodge trucks. “At $7 million a minute, we can’t spare the time i …
Former superstar Cher has fallen victim to a bogus Tweet, which announced that she had passed away last Thursday.
Athens -- Facing a debt burden that could enslave its citizens for decades to come, Greece has gone on the offensive, declaring it will halt the production of gyros worldwide if it’s not given a larger line of credit. “Go ahead and laugh, but I can assure you …
Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton has begun transforming her diplomatic corp’s global network of embassies and consulates into the world’s largest International House of Pancakes chain. “Let&rsqu …
“France’s sexual score has gone from being the firmest mankind has ever seen to shrinking down to a flaccid embarrassment,” an S&P spokeswoman said, citing her agency’s recently released report, which gave France a score of C-. The S&P ana …
Crossroads, South Carolina -- Despite their endless bickering, the Republican presidential candidates all agree that they would like to take the nation back to a more gentler and prosperous era. But they have very different views on what point in American’s history th …
The global economic crisis has finally caught up with the Wall Street insiders who triggered it.
Hollywood, California - CBS has launched a fourth version of its Crime Scene Investigation series, but with a twist.
China has revealed the purpose of its manned missions to the moon.
Police in New York have announced a plan to block the city’s New Year’s Eve celebration, contending that its crowd control responsibilities in Times Square interfere with a more essential duty. “The public forgets that New York is one of the world&rsquo …
Faced by increased popular pressure against its moves to control and censor the Internet, Congress has decided to sell the World Wide Web to the highest bidder. “The Internet is very powerful in its ability to encourage people to think, interact and innovate,&rdquo …
Just days after turning in his Republican membership card and secret decoder ring, real estate developer Donald Trump has launched his own personal political party. “It’s called the Trumpets, because I’m a guy who likes to toot his own horn,” Trump …
Almost three months after his death, Steve Jobs continues to head Apple Inc., controlling the company from his special place in Hell through a combination of Wi-Fi, G4 and supernatural workarounds. “I made a pact with the devil years ago,” the deceased execut …
The United States military today is celebrating a major win in Iraq.
A program that would have allowed United States Senators to join in the Christmas celebrations of their constituents has been voted down by the House of Representatives. “We’re giving a big ‘bah humbug’ to that idea,” said House Speaker John Boehner …
The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the “too dumb to fall” provisions of the Barney Frank Act.
The problem with home aquariums is that they're too small and confining. The fish can't swim the natural distances they need to get sufficient exercise. I was thinking about this the other day when I realized that someone should invent a treadmill for fish.
Here are six unidentified quotes uttered by either New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg or German dictator Adolf Hitler. Test your knowledge of the world’s fastest growing political scheme by correctly identifying who said what.
Houston, Texas -- As gasoline prices ratchet up past the $4-a-gallon mark, the oil industry is preparing a more luxurious way to present its increasingly costly product to consumers. “Think expensive fragrances, top-shelf liquor and premium cosmetic formulas,&rdquo …
Washington, DC -- Say goodbye to the almighty dollar.
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Postal Service rescue plan would turn mail carriers into drug runners
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